JeBron Lames: The "English God"

            So there once was a student named JeBron Lames. He had quite the passion for English. Since eighth grade, Miss Serensky had her eye on him, thinking that one day he would be the next great AP English star.

As he walked into AP English class on the first day of junior year, everyone thought he could be the next Lynn Vandendriessche or Thomas Donley. At first he showed much potential, receiving an unheard-of 5 rubric score on his first in-class essay. Immediately he crowned himself the “English God.” Although he could write like no one before him, he struggled with the little things like spelling Miss Serensky’s name and not doodling in his journals. At the end of his first quarter in AP English, Lames received at 91.997 percent, a B. The grade upset him but he soon stated, “I guarantee I bring an A to my report card in English before I leave AP English.” Unfortunately, he did have such good fortune. His second, third and fourth quarter grades all ended up as B’s. In his last essay, after he knew he could not possibly get an A, Lames wrote, “I am the AP English God and I should get an A” and turned in the paper, promptly receiving a -1 on the AP Rubric.

In the summer, Lames had trouble deciding whether to take AP English or not so he decided to announce his decision on the first day’s morning announcements. He titled his appearance, “The English God’s Decision.” In his decision, he announced, “I’m going to take my talents to Honors English.”  Immediately, one could hear vast amounts of shouting and yelling coming from Miss Serensky’s room. And in about ten minutes this letter circled around the school:

Dear AP English Students and All AP English Supporters Wherever You May Be This Morning;

As you now know, our former hero, who learned in the very classroom that he deserted this morning, is no longer an AP English student.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a morning announcement special of his “English decision” unlike anything ever witnessed in the history of AP English and probably the history of education.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

I have not betrayed you and NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, I will be teaching you all that you will need to know.

You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you this morning:

“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE ALL OF MY AP ENGLISH STUDENTS WILL ACHIEVE AN A BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘ENGLISH GOD’ EARNS ONE”

You can take it to Dr. Koons.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the A’s to AP English, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to English heaven but NOT have to work hard to get there.

Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our homegrown English prodigy sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And “who” we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called “difficulty” of AP English.

The self-declared former “English God” will be taking the “difficulty” with him down in Honors English. And until he does “right” by AP English, Lames (and the class where he learns) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, AP English Students.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day….

I PROMISE you that my energy, focus, teaching skills, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the A’s you have long deserved and is long overdue….

Bobbie Jo Serensky

AP English

Chagrin Falls High School

            Miss Serensky’s letter soon inspired all of her students to achieve A’s. That’s every single student. Her guarantee proved correct as Lames got a B in the first quarter of Honor’s English. He thought he could breeze through honors and get an A. He was wrong.